Katy McKenna Raymond  
Personal blog of christian writer Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri


Katy is represented by
Greg Johnson at
WordServe Literary

Read more Katy at
LateBoomer.net

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I’m Sorry, But This Is Scary!

Just when I thought it was safe to open the mail, I get this piece today:

“Dear Senior Citizen,

We are proud to announce a Senior Final Expense Program to help pay for your final expenses. This Senior Plan will pay 100% of all funeral expenses up to $25,000 for each Senior Citizen covered.

To receive a Free Memorial Guide and to see if you qualify, mail this postage paid card today. This is a free service, and you will not be charged for this information.”

This is shocking and offensive on so many levels!

First of all, I JUST had a birthday, which should be a cause for carefree celebration. Instead, before I even recuperate my breath from blowing out the candles, my advanced age is being monetized. That’s just wrong!

Secondly, they only offer to “help” pay for my final expenses, and then say they’ll pony up 100% for a freakin’ $25,000 funeral, which sounds like more than “help” to me. I’m no expert, but the last I checked a decent funeral could be thrown for half that amount, even if the booze flows freely. Yeah. I’m Irish. That’s the kind of funerals I’m used to.

Thirdly, they invite me to “see if I’m qualified.” What’s up with that? Shouldn’t the only qualification be a working heartbeat?

And finally, it’s not my final expenses I’m worried about! I trust my husband and children to fork over the big bucks to make sure I go out in style. Forget final expenses! It’s all those pesky interim expenses that I need help with!

If the Final Expense Program folks would channel some of their considerable assets into “helping” me with putting my “final” child through college, to the tune of 100% of college expenses up to $25,000, we’d have a deal. We could call it my Senior Graduate Expense Program.

Or, if they’d like to take on helping me with my health insurance expenses, which run me $1065 per month for the three of us, that would be peachy. 100% of all health insurance expenses up to $25,000 would reduce my interim expenses for the next two years. We’ll call that my trusty Health Insurance Expense Program.

But Final Expenses? I’m SO not interested, thank you very much.

Jesus is SURE to come back before it’s my time to kick the bucket and besides, I just looked at the envelope.

Whew! It’s addressed to Doug.

Posted by Katy on 01/07/06 at 04:07 PM
Fallible Comments...
  1. You so crack me up. Maybe Doug should look into it, but I'm pretty sure it's not for you.
    Posted by Kathryn, the daring one  on  01/07/06  at  09:33 PM
  2. Tooooo Funny!!!!!! Whew is RIGHT! I'm with you . . . if they want to talk "Final," they need to talk YOUR language!!!
    Posted by Ame  on  01/08/06  at  01:37 AM
  3. Kathryn--Really. It's the principle of the thing, you know? ;)

    Ame--I'm about to send back the mailer with my own message attached. "Don't mess with me." When I read the first line of the letter to Doug, he said one word. "Great."
    Poor baby. He's pretty resigned to his fate, I guess. But I'll go out kicking and screaming, probably about all my interim expenses that remain unpaid!
    Posted by Katy  on  01/08/06  at  01:46 PM
  4. You know, you could tear it all up in tiny pieces, stick them in the return envelope, seal it, and send it all back with a Big NO THANKS on the outside!!! HAHAHAHAHA
    Posted by Ame  on  01/08/06  at  03:22 PM
  5. I got one of those today and I wasn't offended. Guess I just don't have my nose quite as high in the air as you. Careful, if it rains you may drown.
    Posted by William  on  11/07/07  at  05:06 PM
  6. The “TOP 14 ” reasons why YOU should purchase a Final Expense Plan…NOW!
    1. YOU are in total control of how you want your final arrangements handled.

    2. Nursing Homes, Hospitals, and other creditors cannot attach your benefits

    3. Special underwriting guidelines for almost every health condition

    4. Pay off Credit Card debts, Auto loans, Mortgage balance, Medical bills, etc.

    5. Your loved ones can use any funeral home

    6. FINAL EXPENSE plans take the financial burden off your loved ones.

    7. A FINAL EXPENSE plan gives YOU and YOUR Loved Ones peace of mind

    8. The check comes to your loved ones. NOT to the Funeral Home.

    9. The cash benefits are TAX FREE and go directly to your beneficiary.

    10. These policies can be purchased with death benefits that range from $500 - $25,000.

    11. Simplified underwriting make approval quick and easy.

    12. Typically, no exam or blood work is required.

    13. The life insurance coverage is permanent.

    14. Life insurance premiums never change .

    For a Free Quote click here NOW! http://www.MyFinalExpensePolicy.com
    Posted by The EWS Financial Group  on  12/24/07  at  10:35 AM
    7. Page 1 of 1 pages
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