I know the concern of being Left Behind when Jesus comes back should cause any thinking woman considerable angst, but today it’s not the Left Behind books that have me worried.
It’s the Left Behind magazines.
Here in Kansas City, Left Behind magazines have sprung up in every borough, it seems, and right smack in the middle of the longest and deepest recession of my entire life. If you frequent doctor’s offices, hospitals, or waiting rooms of any type, you’ve been the unwitting reader of a Left Behind magazine, though perhaps you haven’t been affected by them quite as profoundly as I have, since I spend WAY more time than the average chick in waiting rooms.
Left Behind magazines are literally left behind, stacks and stacks of them, in racks at your local Barnes & Noble, too, and at grocery stores, hair salons, and even restaurants. They are free for the taking, high-gloss and glitzy, heavy-papered and full-color. And if their advertisers know their readers very well at all, I’m toast.
In Kansas City at least, a huge number of female readers apparently have nothing on their minds besides hair extensions, hot rock massages at day spas, minimally invasive plastic surgery, mani-pedis, and the application of permanent make-up. Not to mention the standard butt lifts, eyelid lifts, boob enhancements, dental implants, and botox injections.
Yesterday, I scoured one magazine from front to back for even a single ad for a fancy Kohler faucet or an Oreck XL vacuum cleaner or a Vita-Mix blender, once big draws for prosperous women with bucks to burn. Never mind the practicality of high-end fixtures and appliances, what about a good old-fashioned ad for a Kansas City institution, the Alaskan Fur Company?
Time was when, especially at Christmas, women all over this fair city wished to be one of the chosen few to open a huge coat box on The Big Day and find a gorgeous fur waiting for them. But luxuries these days aren’t so much about what you put on your body as they are about what you do to your body.
It’s clear to me finally that I’ve been utterly Left Behind, that’s there’s no way I’ll ever care enough to be poked and prodded and pummeled day after day, only to maintain, after all is said and done and paid for, an artificial look and feel so unlike me that I might get accidentally Left Behind by dear Jesus Himself.
No, thanks. For me, it’s the Kansas City women’s magazines that are getting Left Behind. And not having to haul them home and then to the recycling bin saves me the need for that pricey massage.
Posted by Katy on 12/16/10 at 07:44 AMFallible Comments...
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