Stuff

If you’ve never tried to place your life in a context completely separate from stuff, I dare you to give it a whirl.

These are feelings I’ve NEVER experienced before, and I’m not kidding. You can take the girl out of Consumeristic American Society, but can you ever really take the consumer out of the girl? I just don’t know anymore.

Honestly. I had no idea how much of my identity was wrapped up in the hunt for, payment for, maintenance of, and (eventually) disposal of possessions. Not to mention entire lifetimes spent in the pursuit of luxurious, caffeine-laden beverages and various other extraneous entertainments. Take all that away, and what do I have?

I feel like a lone character in a bad novel, a book in which the author abyssmally failed to develop any physical setting whatsoever. I feel like I just got plunked down in the middle of….what?

Nothingness.

Have any of you ever attempted to cut yourself loose from the ties that bind? And found out that they were also the ties that tethered?

I’m searching for a context in which to place my life, but I refuse to believe ever again that it can be purchased at Target.

Posted by Katy on 07/18/06 at 01:36 PM

Fallible Comments...

I've had two times in my life in stark contrast to one another that helped me gain perspective. The first was inheriting a little bit of money so that I could go buy whatever I wanted - I think my biggest splurge was candle holders for a hundred bucks. About 18 months later, after a medical problem sidelined my husband for a long time and the inheritance got used up for living expenses we ended up on welfare where all money went to food or keeping a roof over our heads. Clothes buying or any other buying was out of the picture.

Anyway - the first experience taught me that it didn't matter what I pined after, it wouldn't satisfy that deep hunger that is really spiritual in nature. And the second - well, having a roof over my head and plenty of food in the fridge is most of the time enough. I still have times of wanting(in that desperate feeling kind of way) stuff (and giving into that want) but it usually signals to me that I have other areas of my life that need looking at.

Your posts on this topic have been an encouragement to me. God bless you.
Posted by Hope on 07/18/06 at 05:39 PM
Dave Ramsey calls this "stuff-itis". An old Seinfeld line is "I Yearn...do you ever yearn?."

Sometimes I think retail therapy is all that will cure what ails me, usually a feeling of loneliness or frustration or even anger. But when I walk through the stores or, yikes, the mall, I often get truly depressed.

That's not to say that a set of Waterford crystal wouldn't be really really nice. It would be even nicer if I had a big group of friends to serve with it.

My husband and I played a wishing game the other day while we were out for a little drive to get away from the house. What would we do with 50,000 dollars if we HAD to spend it in one day.

He wanted a small dump truck and a newer tractor. I wanted a swimming pool with a retractable roof. And some landscaping.

Then my mother called and we had to turn back home. We decided air fare would be a better use of the money.

Yours is an interesting question and Hope's response is thought provoking.
Posted by AC on 07/18/06 at 07:10 PM
Stuff...I try to save very little but once I throw it out, more appears. It is inevitable.
Posted by Amy on 07/19/06 at 12:12 AM
Last week I picked up a book in the lodge of the family camp where I was staying and read a chapter on the Christian spiritual discipline of Simplicity. God apears to be awakening you to the same, even though you have not used the word. What a joy that he sets captives free and opens the eyes of the blind in the most kind and merciful ways for his beloveds. Keep on.
Posted by Craig on 07/19/06 at 02:20 PM
I've always felt that stuff weighs me down, and that feeling has only increased with time (which is good, because I've gotten rid of a lot of it). But I realized something even more exciting the other day -- just how little I'd need to live on if our mortgage was paid and I didn't work. It's a ridiculously small amount, and I already live on what most people would consider to be a very small amount. So yes, I think there are a lot of ties, but they don't have to bind. It's
all about choices.
Posted by Jackie on 07/19/06 at 02:55 PM
I'll tell ya what can really make you think twice about keeping a lot of stuff around: Deciding to sell most of your stuff and move cross-country. Boy did we feel great when we got rid of all that stuff. I now live in a two bedroom apartment and clean it out regularly. I never know when God will give me the word to move far away again. And I'd hate to lug all that stuff with me.

Katy, your posts have really helped me keep it all in perspective.
Posted by Suzan on 07/19/06 at 06:45 PM
Hey Katy,

Adam from Ohio again, staring at that dice mug on my desk right now. It'd been a long time since I last talked to you, (or since I'd looked at your blog =( ) and I figured I ought to say hello and catch up a little. You may remember I was living withh, and practically married to, this Bianca girl. That's over now, and I can honestly say it's a good thing for both of us.

I've been trying to sever the ties that bind lately, myself. The thing I had with her was in fact a tether, and after seeing that for the better part of a year, I finally did something about it. Material posessions are a slightly easier bunch of things to get rid of for me lately. I'm trying to move to a new state to get a fresh start on almost everything. I used to be a packrat and I have thrown SO much away. It's a little scary, but really liberating.

Part of this entry of yours puzzles me. I can see removing yourself from materialistic contexts, but it surprised me a lot to see you say you felt a nothingness having done so. Maybe I'm reading the point incorrectly, but I'd assumed you might discover yourself as the awfully strong duo that you and your husband together have seemed to be in every entry of yours that I can remember reading. Through thick and thin, it seems, and as well it should.

Reading back over it, I'm wondering if you're not asking us to imagine something like an empty field, and then wonder why we don't quite feel attached. Maybe the feeling that you're getting are less the absence of the "physical things" and more the absence of the memories you've had in places that those objects happen to occupy. When you think of home, do you think of the general feeling, or do you think of that object that is a house?

Anyhow, I am going to start reading your blog a little more consistantly. God bless you.

Adam
Posted by Adam on 07/19/06 at 07:15 PM
Hope--I so agree with what you said! And while I've had similar "extreme" circumstances over the course of my adult life, perhaps I haven't learned the lessons as well as you have! The thing that different about this time around is that we enrolled in this "class" voluntarily. But now that we've taken up seats and the teacher has begun to work his way through the syllabus, well. It would be rude to get up and walk out now!!! We're going to explore this together, see where it leads...I think it will lead to a good place.

AC--Do you and your hubby enjoy the wishing game? Or does it make you feel frustrated? Doug has always said that the reason he hates the Lotto is that those who buy tickets tend to play the wishing game a LOT. And that it only serves to distract them from doing something constructive to better their situation. He REFUSES to play the wishing game!!! He doesn't know that I often play the "life insurance game," especially when he's late and there's ice on the road and I'm scared he's left me a widow....The life insurance game can be quite comforting in those circumstances..... ;)

Amy--I like the idea of not bringing anything new into the house unless you get rid of something else. I haven't lived by that rule, but it sounds good, huh?

Craig--Yes. I am frequenting simplicity websites, and frugality ones, as well. I am NOT looking for new ways of doing/being that cost more hours of my life than the old ways, because I've got stuff to do with my time. I'm not looking for projects!!! I'm open to ways of streamlining and rethinking values where necessary in order to free up resources of time, money, and energy for more important uses. Simplicity!

Jackie--It IS all about choices. Sometimes, it takes a while to get ourselves out from under the poor choices we've made, and ensconced in a higher-quality set of values which will drive future decisions. If we had our house paid off, our single highest expense would be insurance. We're self-employed, so must fund our own health and disability, plus of course, auto, home, life, and long-term care. The total of our insurance premiums right now exceeds our house payment, and I haven't figured out a way around it for the time being.....

Suzan--Wow! What a huge step you've taken!! I've often asked Doug what we would say to God if He led us to move to, let's just say, Northern Ireland. With not much advance notice. Could we be obedient? Until recently, I don't think we could have. But things are changing, and I love the feeling that we could do what He asked if He asked it.

Adam--I've missed you!!! Glad to hear things are going well for you. Maybe "nothingness" was a crummy choice of words. I'll say things to Doug these days like, "If we were going to leave the house to go do something, but we committed before leaving the house to spending no money, what on earth would we do?" And then we look at each other blankly!!! What happened to our imaginations? We need to fire those puppies up again! And we will. We have a LOT going for us as a couple, but this truly is a period of redefining what it means to be "us." Is our couplehood based on purchasing power, or earning power, or acquisitiveness-- or is it based on something more profound, maybe something we haven't completely arrived at yet?

I like the empty field picture, and Doug and me plopped down in the middle of it. Every once in 30 years or so, it's good to go back to square one, to question yourselves thoroughly about the field you've been given, its purpose, your place in it, and what you're supposed to do with it. If we get too hasty, we'll fill it with useless yard art, I'm afraid. We're trying to live more intentionally than we have in the past, even if it's uncomfortable being non-consumers for the time being.

About your question: For me, home is a feeling, not a house. There's no one on earth I could feel at home with more than Doug. He is home for me.
Posted by Katy on 07/19/06 at 09:34 PM
I think I've said this before, but Katy, you're inspiring. I'm thankful I found this blog.

I was the type of kid that had no money, could ask mom for anything and I'd probably get it...but I never did. When going to play, I didn't need a bike...just my imagination. I would watch the sunset (and talk to it) or play with my reflection in a pond (play with, not stare at) or go swimming. There were a lot of "free" options...now though, it's so much harder to find free things to do.

*sigh*
Posted by Lynn on 07/20/06 at 12:18 AM
Lynn--I find your childhood inspiring!!
Doug and I are putting our heads together, trying to think of free stuff to do. We may go to some of those classes at Home Depot and try to pick up some skills. Or go to some "free" seminars (of course they want you to buy something, but still) on retirement planning, or investing, or real estate. Then there are the art galleries and museums we've managed to ignore most of our married life....And what about voluntering somewhere? Ya think? :)

Thank you for your sweet comment. It means a lot!
Posted by Katy on 07/20/06 at 12:39 PM
About insurance, maybe you guys are already doing this, but you can be your own "group" with some of the major carriers. (Like BCBS, I've heard...)
Posted by Jackie on 07/20/06 at 06:04 PM
Jackie--Yes. We are a group of two with BCBS. However, "one" of us has been a very naughty girl. Once you've had a brain tumor that has a recurrence rate they can point to, your rates go through the roof. Unlike with a larger group, where the insurance co. doesn't really look at individuals' health history, with a "group of two," they rake you over the coals. We've been bbq'd pretty good!
Posted by Katy on 07/20/06 at 10:12 PM
I think I'm a little late here, but I love this quote: "Have any of you ever attempted to cut yourself loose from the ties that bind? And found out that they were also the ties that tethered?"

What a visual... I'm just seeing someone made of twine with a piece of twine extending from their hand to a ball and chain.

Then they cut the twine attached to the chain... and they start falling apart...

I think that may be what's happening to the economy too...

You're makin my brain go all spinny.

Great post.
Posted by baby carriers backpacks on 02/18/09 at 11:25 PM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Stuff If you’ve never tried to place your life in a context completely separate from stuff, I dare you to give it a whirl. These are feelings I’ve NEVER experienced before, and I’m not kidding. You can take the girl out of Consumeristic American Society, but can you ever really take the consumer out of the girl? I just don’t know anymore. Honestly. I had no idea how much of my identity was wrapped up in the hunt for, payment for, maintenance of, and (eventually) disposal of possessions. Not to mention entire lifetimes spent in the pursuit of luxurious, caffeine-laden beverages and various other extraneous entertainments. Take all that away, and what do I have? I feel like a lone character in a bad novel, a book in which the author abyssmally failed to develop any physical setting whatsoever. I feel like I just got plunked down in the middle of….what? Nothingness. Have any of you ever attempted to cut yourself loose from the ties that bind? And found out that they were also the ties that tethered? I’m searching for a context in which to place my life, but I refuse to believe ever again that it can be purchased at Target. Posted by Katy on 07/18/06 at 01:36 PM Fallible Comments... I've had two times in my life in stark contrast to one another that helped me gain perspective. The first was inheriting a little bit of money so that I could go buy whatever I wanted - I think my biggest splurge was candle holders for a hundred bucks. About 18 months later, after a medical problem sidelined my husband for a long time and the inheritance got used up for living expenses we ended up on welfare where all money went to food or keeping a roof over our heads. Clothes buying or any other buying was out of the picture. Anyway - the first experience taught me that it didn't matter what I pined after, it wouldn't satisfy that deep hunger that is really spiritual in nature. And the second - well, having a roof over my head and plenty of food in the fridge is most of the time enough. I still have times of wanting(in that desperate feeling kind of way) stuff (and giving into that want) but it usually signals to me that I have other areas of my life that need looking at. Your posts on this topic have been an encouragement to me. God bless you. Posted by Hope on 07/18/06 at 05:39 PM Dave Ramsey calls this "stuff-itis". An old Seinfeld line is "I Yearn...do you ever yearn?." Sometimes I think retail therapy is all that will cure what ails me, usually a feeling of loneliness or frustration or even anger. But when I walk through the stores or, yikes, the mall, I often get truly depressed. That's not to say that a set of Waterford crystal wouldn't be really really nice. It would be even nicer if I had a big group of friends to serve with it. My husband and I played a wishing game the other day while we were out for a little drive to get away from the house. What would we do with 50,000 dollars if we HAD to spend it in one day. He wanted a small dump truck and a newer tractor. I wanted a swimming pool with a retractable roof. And some landscaping. Then my mother called and we had to turn back home. We decided air fare would be a better use of the money. Yours is an interesting question and Hope's response is thought provoking. Posted by AC on 07/18/06 at 07:10 PM Stuff...I try to save very little but once I throw it out, more appears. It is inevitable. Posted by Amy on 07/19/06 at 12:12 AM Last week I picked up a book in the lodge of the family camp where I was staying and read a chapter on the Christian spiritual discipline of Simplicity. God apears to be awakening you to the same, even though you have not used the word. What a joy that he sets captives free and opens the eyes of the blind in the most kind and merciful ways for his beloveds. Keep on. Posted by Craig on 07/19/06 at 02:20 PM I've always felt that stuff weighs me down, and that feeling has only increased with time (which is good, because I've gotten rid of a lot of it). But I realized something even more exciting the other day -- just how little I'd need to live on if our mortgage was paid and I didn't work. It's a ridiculously small amount, and I already live on what most people would consider to be a very small amount. So yes, I think there are a lot of ties, but they don't have to bind. It's all about choices. Posted by Jackie on 07/19/06 at 02:55 PM I'll tell ya what can really make you think twice about keeping a lot of stuff around: Deciding to sell most of your stuff and move cross-country. Boy did we feel great when we got rid of all that stuff. I now live in a two bedroom apartment and clean it out regularly. I never know when God will give me the word to move far away again. And I'd hate to lug all that stuff with me. Katy, your posts have really helped me keep it all in perspective. Posted by Suzan on 07/19/06 at 06:45 PM Hey Katy, Adam from Ohio again, staring at that dice mug on my desk right now. It'd been a long time since I last talked to you, (or since I'd looked at your blog =( ) and I figured I ought to say hello and catch up a little. You may remember I was living withh, and practically married to, this Bianca girl. That's over now, and I can honestly say it's a good thing for both of us. I've been trying to sever the ties that bind lately, myself. The thing I had with her was in fact a tether, and after seeing that for the better part of a year, I finally did something about it. Material posessions are a slightly easier bunch of things to get rid of for me lately. I'm trying to move to a new state to get a fresh start on almost everything. I used to be a packrat and I have thrown SO much away. It's a little scary, but really liberating. Part of this entry of yours puzzles me. I can see removing yourself from materialistic contexts, but it surprised me a lot to see you say you felt a nothingness having done so. Maybe I'm reading the point incorrectly, but I'd assumed you might discover yourself as the awfully strong duo that you and your husband together have seemed to be in every entry of yours that I can remember reading. Through thick and thin, it seems, and as well it should. Reading back over it, I'm wondering if you're not asking us to imagine something like an empty field, and then wonder why we don't quite feel attached. Maybe the feeling that you're getting are less the absence of the "physical things" and more the absence of the memories you've had in places that those objects happen to occupy. When you think of home, do you think of the general feeling, or do you think of that object that is a house? Anyhow, I am going to start reading your blog a little more consistantly. God bless you. Adam Posted by Adam on 07/19/06 at 07:15 PM Hope--I so agree with what you said! And while I've had similar "extreme" circumstances over the course of my adult life, perhaps I haven't learned the lessons as well as you have! The thing that different about this time around is that we enrolled in this "class" voluntarily. But now that we've taken up seats and the teacher has begun to work his way through the syllabus, well. It would be rude to get up and walk out now!!! We're going to explore this together, see where it leads...I think it will lead to a good place. AC--Do you and your hubby enjoy the wishing game? Or does it make you feel frustrated? Doug has always said that the reason he hates the Lotto is that those who buy tickets tend to play the wishing game a LOT. And that it only serves to distract them from doing something constructive to better their situation. He REFUSES to play the wishing game!!! He doesn't know that I often play the "life insurance game," especially when he's late and there's ice on the road and I'm scared he's left me a widow....The life insurance game can be quite comforting in those circumstances..... ;) Amy--I like the idea of not bringing anything new into the house unless you get rid of something else. I haven't lived by that rule, but it sounds good, huh? Craig--Yes. I am frequenting simplicity websites, and frugality ones, as well. I am NOT looking for new ways of doing/being that cost more hours of my life than the old ways, because I've got stuff to do with my time. I'm not looking for projects!!! I'm open to ways of streamlining and rethinking values where necessary in order to free up resources of time, money, and energy for more important uses. Simplicity! Jackie--It IS all about choices. Sometimes, it takes a while to get ourselves out from under the poor choices we've made, and ensconced in a higher-quality set of values which will drive future decisions. If we had our house paid off, our single highest expense would be insurance. We're self-employed, so must fund our own health and disability, plus of course, auto, home, life, and long-term care. The total of our insurance premiums right now exceeds our house payment, and I haven't figured out a way around it for the time being..... Suzan--Wow! What a huge step you've taken!! I've often asked Doug what we would say to God if He led us to move to, let's just say, Northern Ireland. With not much advance notice. Could we be obedient? Until recently, I don't think we could have. But things are changing, and I love the feeling that we could do what He asked if He asked it. Adam--I've missed you!!! Glad to hear things are going well for you. Maybe "nothingness" was a crummy choice of words. I'll say things to Doug these days like, "If we were going to leave the house to go do something, but we committed before leaving the house to spending no money, what on earth would we do?" And then we look at each other blankly!!! What happened to our imaginations? We need to fire those puppies up again! And we will. We have a LOT going for us as a couple, but this truly is a period of redefining what it means to be "us." Is our couplehood based on purchasing power, or earning power, or acquisitiveness-- or is it based on something more profound, maybe something we haven't completely arrived at yet? I like the empty field picture, and Doug and me plopped down in the middle of it. Every once in 30 years or so, it's good to go back to square one, to question yourselves thoroughly about the field you've been given, its purpose, your place in it, and what you're supposed to do with it. If we get too hasty, we'll fill it with useless yard art, I'm afraid. We're trying to live more intentionally than we have in the past, even if it's uncomfortable being non-consumers for the time being. About your question: For me, home is a feeling, not a house. There's no one on earth I could feel at home with more than Doug. He is home for me. Posted by Katy on 07/19/06 at 09:34 PM I think I've said this before, but Katy, you're inspiring. I'm thankful I found this blog. I was the type of kid that had no money, could ask mom for anything and I'd probably get it...but I never did. When going to play, I didn't need a bike...just my imagination. I would watch the sunset (and talk to it) or play with my reflection in a pond (play with, not stare at) or go swimming. There were a lot of "free" options...now though, it's so much harder to find free things to do. sigh Posted by Lynn on 07/20/06 at 12:18 AM Lynn--I find your childhood inspiring!! Doug and I are putting our heads together, trying to think of free stuff to do. We may go to some of those classes at Home Depot and try to pick up some skills. Or go to some "free" seminars (of course they want you to buy something, but still) on retirement planning, or investing, or real estate. Then there are the art galleries and museums we've managed to ignore most of our married life....And what about voluntering somewhere? Ya think? :) Thank you for your sweet comment. It means a lot! Posted by Katy on 07/20/06 at 12:39 PM About insurance, maybe you guys are already doing this, but you can be your own "group" with some of the major carriers. (Like BCBS, I've heard...) Posted by Jackie on 07/20/06 at 06:04 PM Jackie--Yes. We are a group of two with BCBS. However, "one" of us has been a very naughty girl. Once you've had a brain tumor that has a recurrence rate they can point to, your rates go through the roof. Unlike with a larger group, where the insurance co. doesn't really look at individuals' health history, with a "group of two," they rake you over the coals. We've been bbq'd pretty good! Posted by Katy on 07/20/06 at 10:12 PM I think I'm a little late here, but I love this quote: "Have any of you ever attempted to cut yourself loose from the ties that bind? And found out that they were also the ties that tethered?" What a visual... I'm just seeing someone made of twine with a piece of twine extending from their hand to a ball and chain. Then they cut the twine attached to the chain... and they start falling apart... I think that may be what's happening to the economy too... You're makin my brain go all spinny. Great post. Posted by baby carriers backpacks on 02/18/09 at 11:25 PM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: Random Chattiness Previous entry: Day 31 << Back to main


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Personal blog of christianwriter & fallible momKaty McKenna Raymondin Kansas City, Missouri

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Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri