Talk Dirtily To Me

The life of an aspiring author is full of sacrifice.

Of course, there are the years spent toiling in relative obscurity. (Believe me, my relatives think I’m obscure.) During those years, there are scores of near misses--such as viable book proposals that are “going to committee next week and you’ll be hearing back from us very soon..."--which thereafter evaporate into thin cyber-vapor, making me wonder if I imagined the whole thing.

Then there are the rules. Most novelists these days, and nearly all novel-writing instructors, will tell you what you don’t want to know.

“Lose the semi-colons, especially in dialogue.” But; but; but; I don’t understand!

“And the exclamation points, too. Unless your character is frightened to death, she won’t be needing any.” No! Not my exclamation points! I rely on them to show that I’m EXCITED!!!

“Ahem. All those caps have got to go. It’s a visual disaster, and nobody talks like that.”

“Really? Because I do! I mean, I really, REALLY DO!!!!”

“You’re a slow learner, aren’t you? Those l-y words are out of here. Every last one of them. Choose strong verbs, period.”

But I’ve grown SO FOND of inserting the phrase “very extremely” into otherwise healthy sentences! What’s to become of me?!?!

I’ve got to tell you, of everything I’ve lost attempting to become a published novelist, I miss “l-y” words the most. There’s NOTHING like a good l-y word to spruce up an otherwise dull action verb, and let’s face it, action verbs aren’t really my thing anyway. I’m kind of a passive-aggressive-verb girl myself.

I’m going to let you in on a little insider secret, one I’ve never shared with anyone, not even my husband. Doug has tried, in order to get me thinking and speaking and most of all writing like a quality novelist, to eliminate all these offensive elements from our personal communication. So how can I tell him I’ve been getting my fix of exclamation points, caps, and l-y words from friends of mine who are PUBLISHED AUTHORS???

That’s right. If the government ever gets ahold of my email archives and makes them public, there are a bunch of MULTI-PUBLISHED; WELL-RESPECTED; SUCCESSFUL authors who are so, so very extemely BUSTED!!!!

One of them greets me in her emails like this: “LADY!!!” I am not kidding. She’s gets ever more dramatic from there. A darling author friend sometimes sends entire messages consisting of three ENORMOUS bold red words (underlined in case I can’t see them) encircled in a Photoshopped fence of exlamation points!!!
A third uses so many banished l-y words, it does my deprived soul good just to click and then read oh, so slowly while sighing contentedly.

Even though I’ve been saved from a world of bizarrely spare prose by these special friends, my husband and I have suffered. We haven’t exchanged as much as a single exclamation point in years. He thinks he’s encouraging me by eliminating the caps from our relationship, but what kind of a marriage is that?

Last night, he slipped up. Something we were discussing (money? politics? religion?) lit an uncommon fire under the man. He began to strip off his shirt and, without any provocation from me whatsoever, let loose a string of l-y words, one after the other, which finally ended in a verb that just wouldn’t have been the same without his passionate outburst.

“Oooh, baby,” I said. “I LOVE it when you talk l-y to me!!!”

I think we’ve come to an understanding. No more sacrificial living for me.

Posted by Katy McKenna on 08/07 at 08:13 AM

Fallible Comments...

OK…

You should TOTALLY (!!!) send this to Christian Communicator and get it published. LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY!

Happily and joyfully and respectfully yours,
Mary-ly

Posted by relevantgirl on 08/07 at 09:36 AM
Wow!!!! I didn’t know Doug had such a wild side!!

Thanks, Katy, for making me laugh today!

Blessings!

Posted by on 08/07 at 12:12 PM
Relevant Mary--THANK YOU!!! You’ve nearly singlehandedly met my daily need for CAPS, l-y words and !!!!! Yes, I’m feeling calmer now..... :)

Jane--OH, NOOOooooo!!!!! Outed by a Sunday school class member!!! Now we have to switch churches! Ha. Fun to see you here, and yes, Doug is crazy wild.

Posted by katy on 08/07 at 12:42 PM
ROFLOL, Katy!!! And I’ll just confess right here in front of God and everybody, that I’m guilty of just about all the above. Not sure I’ve ever called you LADY, but I wouldn’t put it past me. I agree with Mary...submit this SOMEWHERE!! It’s a winner!! : )

Posted by Deb Raney on 08/07 at 01:34 PM
Deb--You are right! You are the Queen of Caps and Exclamation Points! But you’ve never addressed me as “LADY!!!!” and I don’t think you use bold or tend toward untoward semi-colons. It’s HILARIOUS to me, all the pent-up punctuation antsy adverbs authors must release, once they find a “safe” place to do so. And we haven’t even MENTIONED italics!!!!

Posted by katy on 08/07 at 02:54 PM
Above should read: “Pent-up punctuation AND antsy adverbs...”

Posted by katy on 08/07 at 02:55 PM
This is just too luscious! Email is a lot like telephone interviews that get transcribed, at which point we discover how often we say “you know” or “like” and we want to crawl in a hole and pull the dirt over our heads because we sound like uneducated idiots. I’m sure I send few emails that don’t have at least three l-y words in them. TRUST ME ON THIS!!

Robin

Posted by Robin Lee Hatcher on 08/07 at 03:18 PM
Oh, Katy! What a WONDERFULLY fun post!!!!!!!

Thanks for a moment of freedom!!! :o)

Posted by Ane Mulligan on 08/08 at 10:36 AM
i can relate, somewhat-ly. i am a huge fan of the trail off, as in Hmmm, she said…

i begin AND end sentences this way, possibly to avoid the run on? in the end, i’ve just come to terms..how you write is who you are, and LADY - don’t go changing!

Posted by lisa on 08/08 at 11:08 AM
He took off his shirt? I won’t be able to look him in the eye next time I see him.

Posted by on 08/08 at 12:37 PM
I am one of the queens of the “ly” words, and I teach my students the power of them, too!!!!! Plus, you can’t beat a good CAP for emphasis!!!! And did I mention the wonderful use of exclaimation points?!?!?! WOW!!!!

Posted by Bridget on 08/08 at 05:33 PM
Here’s to the poor semi-colon; I happen to love using those. And adverbs. . . what did they do to get a bad rap? I know language and language rules are ever changing, but I write only for the sheer joy of it and if that is not to someone’s liking, FRANKLY, they can just kiss my sweet PARENTHESIS!!!!

Posted by Maria on 08/09 at 03:41 PM
Oh goodness, I use caps in my writing ALL THE TIME… not to mention exclamation points! Of course, I didn’t when I wrote for the newspaper; but that’s a whole different kettle of fish!

Posted by Sunflower on 08/09 at 11:13 PM
I am SO HAPPY to have provided this simple forum in which all of you poor frustrated souls can vent your punctuation marks, CAPS, and crummy adverbs to your heart’s content!!!!! Come back anytime and don’t be shy about letting it all hang out. That’s why we’re FALLIBLE, people!!!

Posted by katy on 08/10 at 07:40 AM
Too funny, Katy! And I agree with Mary-ly and Deb-ly. This has GOT to be published somewhere!!

I found this post through Robin Lee’s blog. May I please have permission to add this blog (and Robin’s too!) to my Blog Roll?

Peg

Posted by Peg Phifer on 08/11 at 01:37 PM
this entry heartily cracked me UP!!!

Posted by bananie on 09/13 at 07:49 PM
Great post, Katy. I am SO busted. I’m the *WORST* in email with caps, exclamations, etc. And I spend all my time telling writers to eliminate them in their books.

I guess we have to get our fix somewhere, right? Thanks for your note, by the way!

Posted by Rachelle Gardner on 01/03 at 06:21 PM

Page 1 of 1 pages

Next entry: An Ode To John Denver

Previous entry: I Don't Know About You, But I'm A Rockin' Boomer Babe!

<< Back to main


		follow Katy at twitter

Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Read more Katy at... LateBoomer.net Most Recent Posts New Math International House Of…..Watch Out! Have Yourself A Merry Little Colonoscopy! Spell Check You Are Not Alone Don’t Know Much About The Big Three Why, Oh Why Didn’t I Take Home Ec? Really, Really Fun While It Lasts! In Defense Of Good Old-Fashioned Books Things I’ve Said That I’m Happy Someone Else Didn’t Say First, One In An Ongoing Series Of Several Do Depression Meds Work For This? The T-Shirt Off Our Backs For The Fallible Record Long Time, No Blog Droppin’ Gs Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Talk Dirtily To Me The life of an aspiring author is full of sacrifice. Of course, there are the years spent toiling in relative obscurity. (Believe me, my relatives think I’m obscure.) During those years, there are scores of near misses--such as viable book proposals that are “going to committee next week and you’ll be hearing back from us very soon..."--which thereafter evaporate into thin cyber-vapor, making me wonder if I imagined the whole thing. Then there are the rules. Most novelists these days, and nearly all novel-writing instructors, will tell you what you don’t want to know. “Lose the semi-colons, especially in dialogue.” But; but; but; I don’t understand! “And the exclamation points, too. Unless your character is frightened to death, she won’t be needing any.” No! Not my exclamation points! I rely on them to show that I’m EXCITED!!! “Ahem. All those caps have got to go. It’s a visual disaster, and nobody talks like that.” “Really? Because I do! I mean, I really, REALLY DO!!!!” “You’re a slow learner, aren’t you? Those l-y words are out of here. Every last one of them. Choose strong verbs, period.” But I’ve grown SO FOND of inserting the phrase “very extremely” into otherwise healthy sentences! What’s to become of me?!?! I’ve got to tell you, of everything I’ve lost attempting to become a published novelist, I miss “l-y” words the most. There’s NOTHING like a good l-y word to spruce up an otherwise dull action verb, and let’s face it, action verbs aren’t really my thing anyway. I’m kind of a passive-aggressive-verb girl myself. I’m going to let you in on a little insider secret, one I’ve never shared with anyone, not even my husband. Doug has tried, in order to get me thinking and speaking and most of all writing like a quality novelist, to eliminate all these offensive elements from our personal communication. So how can I tell him I’ve been getting my fix of exclamation points, caps, and l-y words from friends of mine who are PUBLISHED AUTHORS??? That’s right. If the government ever gets ahold of my email archives and makes them public, there are a bunch of MULTI-PUBLISHED; WELL-RESPECTED; SUCCESSFUL authors who are so, so very extemely BUSTED!!!! One of them greets me in her emails like this: “LADY!!!” I am not kidding. She’s gets ever more dramatic from there. A darling author friend sometimes sends entire messages consisting of three ENORMOUS bold red words (underlined in case I can’t see them) encircled in a Photoshopped fence of exlamation points!!! A third uses so many banished l-y words, it does my deprived soul good just to click and then read oh, so slowly while sighing contentedly. Even though I’ve been saved from a world of bizarrely spare prose by these special friends, my husband and I have suffered. We haven’t exchanged as much as a single exclamation point in years. He thinks he’s encouraging me by eliminating the caps from our relationship, but what kind of a marriage is that? Last night, he slipped up. Something we were discussing (money? politics? religion?) lit an uncommon fire under the man. He began to strip off his shirt and, without any provocation from me whatsoever, let loose a string of l-y words, one after the other, which finally ended in a verb that just wouldn’t have been the same without his passionate outburst. “Oooh, baby,” I said. “I LOVE it when you talk l-y to me!!!” I think we’ve come to an understanding. No more sacrificial living for me. Posted by Katy McKenna on 08/07 at 08:13 AM Fallible Comments... OK… You should TOTALLY (!!!) send this to Christian Communicator and get it published. LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY! Happily and joyfully and respectfully yours, Mary-ly Posted by relevantgirl on 08/07 at 09:36 AM Wow!!!! I didn’t know Doug had such a wild side!! Thanks, Katy, for making me laugh today! Blessings! Posted by on 08/07 at 12:12 PM Relevant Mary--THANK YOU!!! You’ve nearly singlehandedly met my daily need for CAPS, l-y words and !!!!! Yes, I’m feeling calmer now..... :) Jane--OH, NOOOooooo!!!!! Outed by a Sunday school class member!!! Now we have to switch churches! Ha. Fun to see you here, and yes, Doug is crazy wild. Posted by katy on 08/07 at 12:42 PM ROFLOL, Katy!!! And I’ll just confess right here in front of God and everybody, that I’m guilty of just about all the above. Not sure I’ve ever called you LADY, but I wouldn’t put it past me. I agree with Mary...submit this SOMEWHERE!! It’s a winner!! : ) Posted by Deb Raney on 08/07 at 01:34 PM Deb--You are right! You are the Queen of Caps and Exclamation Points! But you’ve never addressed me as “LADY!!!!” and I don’t think you use bold or tend toward untoward semi-colons. It’s HILARIOUS to me, all the pent-up punctuation antsy adverbs authors must release, once they find a “safe” place to do so. And we haven’t even MENTIONED italics!!!! Posted by katy on 08/07 at 02:54 PM Above should read: “Pent-up punctuation AND antsy adverbs...” Posted by katy on 08/07 at 02:55 PM This is just too luscious! Email is a lot like telephone interviews that get transcribed, at which point we discover how often we say “you know” or “like” and we want to crawl in a hole and pull the dirt over our heads because we sound like uneducated idiots. I’m sure I send few emails that don’t have at least three l-y words in them. TRUST ME ON THIS!! Robin Posted by Robin Lee Hatcher on 08/07 at 03:18 PM Oh, Katy! What a WONDERFULLY fun post!!!!!!! Thanks for a moment of freedom!!! :o) Posted by Ane Mulligan on 08/08 at 10:36 AM i can relate, somewhat-ly. i am a huge fan of the trail off, as in Hmmm, she said… i begin AND end sentences this way, possibly to avoid the run on? in the end, i’ve just come to terms..how you write is who you are, and LADY - don’t go changing! Posted by lisa on 08/08 at 11:08 AM He took off his shirt? I won’t be able to look him in the eye next time I see him. Posted by on 08/08 at 12:37 PM I am one of the queens of the “ly” words, and I teach my students the power of them, too!!!!! Plus, you can’t beat a good CAP for emphasis!!!! And did I mention the wonderful use of exclaimation points?!?!?! WOW!!!! Posted by Bridget on 08/08 at 05:33 PM Here’s to the poor semi-colon; I happen to love using those. And adverbs. . . what did they do to get a bad rap? I know language and language rules are ever changing, but I write only for the sheer joy of it and if that is not to someone’s liking, FRANKLY, they can just kiss my sweet PARENTHESIS!!!! Posted by Maria on 08/09 at 03:41 PM Oh goodness, I use caps in my writing ALL THE TIME… not to mention exclamation points! Of course, I didn’t when I wrote for the newspaper; but that’s a whole different kettle of fish! Posted by Sunflower on 08/09 at 11:13 PM I am SO HAPPY to have provided this simple forum in which all of you poor frustrated souls can vent your punctuation marks, CAPS, and crummy adverbs to your heart’s content!!!!! Come back anytime and don’t be shy about letting it all hang out. That’s why we’re FALLIBLE, people!!! Posted by katy on 08/10 at 07:40 AM Too funny, Katy! And I agree with Mary-ly and Deb-ly. This has GOT to be published somewhere!! I found this post through Robin Lee’s blog. May I please have permission to add this blog (and Robin’s too!) to my Blog Roll? Peg Posted by Peg Phifer on 08/11 at 01:37 PM this entry heartily cracked me UP!!! Posted by bananie on 09/13 at 07:49 PM Great post, Katy. I am SO busted. I’m the WORST in email with caps, exclamations, etc. And I spend all my time telling writers to eliminate them in their books. I guess we have to get our fix somewhere, right? Thanks for your note, by the way! Posted by Rachelle Gardner on 01/03 at 06:21 PM Page 1 of 1 pages Name: Email: Location: URL: Add a fallible comment... Remember my personal information Notify me of follow-up comments? Please enter the word you see in the image below: Next entry: An Ode To John Denver Previous entry: I Don't Know About You, But I'm A Rockin' Boomer Babe! << Back to main


copyright 2008, ngenius media inc.

Personal blog of christianwriter & fallible momKaty McKenna Raymondin Kansas City, Missouri

Most Recent Posts

Search

Syndicate

Talk Dirtily To Me

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri