Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri
Katy is represented by
Greg Johnson at
WordServe Literary
Read more Katy at
LateBoomer.net
Recent Posts
- Try
- Becoming Brenda Starr
- Off Beat
- Scattered
- That’s It
- So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What?
- The Spoon
- Sciatica
- Sweetheart
- A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose
- However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time
- After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices.
- As with everything in life, balance is key.
- Slow down, you move too fast…
- Yeah, I know. I have issues.
Syndicate
E me at katy @ ngenius.com
That Depends On What The Definition Of “It” Is
“Do you like it?”
I’ve never seen this particular check-out clerk at Walmart, and it’s not like we’ve already engaged in some small talk involving the chilly weather or her birthday or the guy she dumped last Friday, to warm us up for a deeper relationship.
All I’ve done is put innocuous grocery items such as milk, eggs, and yogurt on the counter and swiped my debit card. And now this.
“I’m sorry. I can’t hear very well…” I say.
“Do you like it?” She evidently doesn’t know that the definition of insanity is to repeat the same thing over and over and expect a different result. But I digress.
I must have heard her right the first time. But to figure out what “it” is without coming right out and asking might be as challenging as Bill Clinton defining what “is” is without coming right out and telling.
I scan my body and purse for obvious clues. I am wearing no ipod, so that can’t be “it.” I carry no cell phone in my hot little fist, so that’s not “it,” either. My purse bears no designer label and contains no PDA, my jewelry is nondiscript, and my jeans are no-name.
What the heck is it?
Then it occurs to me that she’s just scanned and thrown away the little empty bottle of low-carb smoothie that I drank while shopping. That must be it!
“It’s delicious,” I say. “You should try it.”
“Not it!” she says. “It!”
“Oh, it…” I say.
“What do you do with it?” she asks.
“Lots of things,” I say, becoming hyper-aware of my purchases, thinking maybe somebody slipped something kinky into my cart when I wasn’t looking.
“The only thing I don’t do with mine,” she offers, “is cinnamon sticks.”
Now I’m starting to panic. My hands are dripping sweat and the numbness that started in my fingers is spreading upward to my elbows.
“Really?” I say. “Yours must be very…versatile.”
“It’s just like yours,” she says, “but I’m guessing it’s an older model.”
This is so confusing. She doesn’t look a day over thirty.
“Look,” I say, “I have no idea what subject we’re on. Can you help me out here?”
She sighs the sigh of a woman who experiences a great many unfulfilling interactions. Then, with a huff, she pulls an item out of a blue plastic bag and holds it up for my perusal. It’s a box of bags for the Food Saver sealing thingie I’ve ordered online but which hasn’t yet arrived.
“It! It!” she says. “All I’m asking is, do you LIKE it?”
“Well, why didn’t you say so?” I put my card back in my purse and pull my keys out of my pocket. “I’ll have to get back to you. I’ll bet it’s waiting for me on the front porch right now.”
When I leave, she looks more mystified than I’d felt, which gratifies me in a way I’m not completely proud of.
Still, I drive home thinking that opaque conversations notwithstanding, it’s all good, no matter what “it” turns out to be.
- Since it's Open Comment Friday and all... And since it seems so tragic to get email after email of spam...
This post was hilarious! I say you should be very proud of mystifying the cashier. Nothing makes me crazier than poor communication (which I, oddly enough, am completely guilty of myself).Posted by Rebecca on 02/10/06 at 07:45 PM - Ha!
And did that thingy that goes with the bags ever arrive? And DO you like it?
I hope the 'ding' you got with this comment cheered you up as much as the 24 you got in reply to the Freaky Friday post. Of course all that spam will never be wasted on you - you'll just fry it up in another fallible.Posted by violet on 02/13/06 at 04:01 AM - Rebecca--I know! I always start out assuming it must be me, but you know what? It usually ends up being them. I mean, is it an effective beginning to an entire relationship to start with the words, "Do you like it?" I think not!!
Violet--Girl, I've been "missing" you. I need to check in over at your site, too, and catch up big-time! Your ding really does it for me, baby...Posted by Katy on 02/13/06 at 04:24 AM - je pense que cette blogge est magnefique! (il y a 2 ans depuis j'ai etudier le francais, donc, mon francais, c'est mauvais!)
je vais returner!Posted by Kathy on 02/16/06 at 04:22 AM - Kathy-Une amie de Kathryn et Heather est une amie de moi! Dites-moi: Dans votre opinion, "blogge" est feminine? Merci bien pour la visitation!
Posted by Katy on 02/16/06 at 04:38 AM
- Then it occurs to me that she’s just scanned and thrown away the little empty bottle of low-carb smoothie that I drank while shopping.That must be it!
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