Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri
Katy is represented by
Greg Johnson at
WordServe Literary
Read more Katy at
LateBoomer.net
Recent Posts
- Try
- Becoming Brenda Starr
- Off Beat
- Scattered
- That’s It
- So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What?
- The Spoon
- Sciatica
- Sweetheart
- A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose
- However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time
- After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices.
- As with everything in life, balance is key.
- Slow down, you move too fast…
- Yeah, I know. I have issues.
Syndicate
E me at katy @ ngenius.com
The Birthday Present
Anyone who has endured many years with a December birthday will tell it to you like it is if you’re brave enough to handle the truth.
In a best-case scenario, your friends and family pony up your presents on Christmas. It sort of seems like you’re getting more than everyone else, and they want it to seem that way to you, if only for the ten seconds it takes to put the highly-recyclable birthday gift bags into a different pile than the Christmas gift bags.
They hold the birthday present until the very end of the opening event, and make a bit of a presentation of it, saying something like, “And this—this is for your birthday!” like you’d forgotten you have one of those and should be very, very grateful that in the dizzy confusion of the celebratory rigamarole, they alone remembered.
“There!” they seem to be thinking, eyes all aglow with even more love than they had for you a couple of minutes ago when you were merely a common Christmas gift recipient. “How special do you feel now? I thought of you not just once on Jesus’s birthday, but twice! Why, if two more people give you your present today instead of four days from now on your real birthday, you should feel just as special as the baby Savior did when the three wise men showed up!”
That’s the best case.
In the middle, we have the folks who insist on giving you your own little spotlight on the right day, or at least on a day other than Christmas, more as an act of charity than anything else. Lucky for these people—who include my husband and kids—I’m all about charity.
I graciously allow them to pretend to be thrilled about yet another occasion—much too soon after the one just past and too near to the one up ahead—spent with nutty relatives. I let them complain about how they’re “so broke” after giving Christmas gifts to everyone and their mother, and don’t say anything which would make them feel guilty for making that comment right before they hand me a present they can’t afford.
The worst-cast late December birthday technique of all is the “drag it out” birthday. I’ve developed this method into such an art form, for the sake of sparing unenthusiastic and exhausted loved ones the emotional and financial expense of yet another party, that my December 29 birthday didn’t offically end until…well, yesterday.
My mother, you see, just can’t let it go. But neither can she do it on the right day, or even in the right month. Or even in the correct year. She’s just too pooped to party, and I don’t blame her one bit.
Instead, she puts if off, but holds my $100 hostage until I make all the arrangements organizing my hubby and kids on a day when she’s feeling OK, the weather’s holding, the ice has melted, no one has a contagious infection, she slept well the night before, and her blood sugar’s behaving itself.
So, yesterday was the big day. I called Mom at two to remind her. “How are you feeling? Are we still on for today?”
“I’m fine. I thought we could go to that place that’s only on the Plaza, except for the one that’s out this way.”
“Um…do you mean the Cheesecake Factory?” The only reason I can think of this is that I know my son Scott and his wife Brooke gave her a gift certificate for Christmas.
“That’s it! And I thought I’d call Scott and…what’s that girl’s name again?”
“Brooke…”
“Yes. Scott and Brooke, to see if they’d like to come.”
“Mom, I’ve already invited them. They’re coming, and Kevin will be there…”
“Yes, but that’s different. Kevin’s a member of the family.”
“OK, Mom. They’re meeting us there. And Doug and I will pick you up. We’ll leave your apartment at 2:40. Does that sound good?”
“Just fine. I’ll be ready and I’ll see you then.”
She wouldn’t have seen me then if I hadn’t awakened her, but I can accurately say that I saw her then—way more of her than I wanted to see. In fact, when I opened her apartment door, I could see her feet at the end of her bed in the next room.
And down around her feet? Her panties.
“Stay here,” I warned Doug, before we crossed the threshold. “She’s in bed, and she’s not dressed.”
I went into her bedroom and announced my arrival. “Mom!”
She opened her eyes. “What?”
“Do you still want to go to the restaurant for my birthday?”
“Yes,” she said, “but I forgot all about it.”
“Mom, I just talked to you 40 minutes ago…”
“Where’s Doug?” she asked, which was a little bit encouraging because just the day before, she told my sister Mary she couldn’t remember my husband’s name.
“He’s out in the hall. I told him to wait out there because you’re not wearing your panties.”
She looked down at her ankles, saw them twisted up down there, and said, “Of course I am!”
And of course, she was, only she was wearing them instead of socks.
I got her all dressed and combed and wheeled out of there, and we had a lovely time. She’s still holding my $100 hostage, though. I told her I wanted it in a card, and I wanted her to write me a “love note.”
She said, “Good luck! I’ll be dead before that happens!” It’s not that she doesn’t love me, it’s that writing is a huge struggle for her these days.
So I didn’t get a gift from Mom, exactly, unless you count the incomparable gift of the present. And believe me, when you’re called upon to drag out your birthday nigh unto forever, you come to value the present with your Mom every bit as much as the predictable past and way more than the uncertain future.
Yes, even when the present is pantyless.
- Mom's just getting worse, isn't she? I was in the middle of a conversation with her Saturday, when she said, "Well, I'll just have to talk to you in a few days." Then, she hung up.
As for your birthday, it's gonna be dragged out a bit longer since I still plan on taking you out to lunch sometime. We need some sister time! :) Love ya.Posted by Bridget on 01/17/06 at 12:28 AM - Bridgie--She told me about cutting short your conversation. She said someone had come into her apt. and she needed to talk to her, but she could not remember who it was. Oooh! Lunch! Let's get it on the calendar, girl! :)
Posted by Katy on 01/17/06 at 01:00 AM
- Oh, Katy, it is the priceless, intangible that we learn to hold so dear, isn't it :) As we weed out our "stuff" in this stuff-filled world, we find what little value it holds. But another birthday with your Mom . . . now that's priceless :) What a blessing you are to her :)
Posted by Ame on 01/17/06 at 03:22 AM
- I am also a Decemberite.
Posted by Kathryn, the daring one on 01/17/06 at 07:29 AM
- Welcome home Mama Katy. Hope you are tanned and rested. We are parched for your stories and ready to listen.
Oh and Happy Birthday young lady. From here you don't look a day over twenty-seven.(But then, California is a long way away.)Posted by Michael O'Connor on 01/17/06 at 10:32 AM - Ame--Yeah. For me, it's getting to be about all the stuff that MasterCard can't buy.
Kathryn--What date? Please accept my sympathy. ;)
Michael--Tanned? You must mean even more freckled than usual! Man, we had it good at 27, huh? At least, when looking in the mirror!
I've decided I'm going to post some pics here soon to acquaint you young folks with what a geezer-chick blogger looks like. Try not to laugh too hard!Posted by Katy on 01/17/06 at 07:38 PM - Define "young" HAHAHAHAHA
Posted by Ame on 01/17/06 at 10:43 PM
- Birthday is a memorable day and one should celeberate it at its fullest.
Posted by Kane on 03/18/06 at 09:12 PM
- I am General Manager in the organisation and Chairman is a simple person. The gift should be decent and cost preferably should be upto Rs. 5000. Please advise.
Posted by Guia restaurantes on 08/11/09 at 07:05 PM
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