The Six Love Languages
OK, technically, psychologist Gary Chapman has only identified five primary love languages. A love language is a way of communicating which, when someone directs it toward you, expresses love better than other methods they might try.
It’s a really smart thing to know your partner’s love language. If Doug likes to be loved by me suggesting we take a hike through a park with swirling autumn leaves falling all around us (and he does), that’s an indication that his primary love language might be “Quality Time.”
I’m always a little suspect when a person claims their primary love language is “Receiving Gifts,” and even if I felt that was mine, I wouldn’t admit it here. :)
Besides those two, Chapman writes about “Words of Affirmation” (“No, your butt does NOT look big in those pants!”), “Acts of Service” (“Hey, babe, I’m out of clean underwear!”) and “Physical Touch” (“How about we watch that movie at home so we can cuddle?”)
I think I’ve finally figured out my primary love language and it’s none of the above. It’s “Spontaneity.” I can’t TELL you how much I love it when Doug unexpectedly suggests we blow this pop stand and take what my Scottish father always called a “half-dee” (his pronunciation for “half-day”).
We’ve taken a couple half-dees in the past ten days, and it was bliss. No big plan, no need to spend big money. Just a few hours away from the phone and the computers and the clients, alone with each other.
Spontaneity makes me feel so loved precisely because I DON’T sense that Doug feels obligated to be with me or to give me stuff or to say certain things, like about my butt size. He wants to be with me just because he thinks it would be FUN.
Spontaneity makes me feel like the most loved girl in the world. How about you? What’s your love language? And do you know what floats your beloved’s boat?
No sense offering him a massage when he really wants you to mate his socks. I’m just sayin’.
Posted by Katy
on 10/31/07 at 01:44 PM
- I suppose it's true that my love language of Spontaneity actually often leads to Quality Time. But I don't enjoy overly-planned Quality Time. It feels too forced, like it's a duty. That's why I'm designating Spontaneity as its own love language. Without it, some of the others aren't nearly as much fun....
Posted by Katy on 10/31/07 at 02:05 PM
- I think for most people, nomatter what their language is, a spontaneous display of that language will feel more genuine ... though sometimes, a long-planned, well-executed romantic candlelit dinner or beautifully written poem that took months of migraine-inducing thought will also feel very genuine... When I first read the book, I thought that I was capable of all of the languages being my own to give and receive, but that Physical Touch and Quality Time were my strongest... I have realized, though, that Words of Affirmation is really an uncomfortable one and that I don't often like receiving gifts (although I love giving them). Acts of Service can be really hit-or-miss for me.
It's great when you're with someone whose love language is the same... I'm sure he loves your spontaneous invites for a walk just as much as you love his half-dees. And for couples who both love Quality Time and don't get to see eachother much, a regular Date Night can be really important.
I posted a lot more on my blog in thinking about it (it's been coming up a LOT lately) but the above is really the gist of it.
Posted by PattyT on 11/10/07 at 06:06 AM
- wow.. interesting info at this post thanks! i really like it
Posted by Spa Treatments on 08/28/09 at 09:40 AM
- Tell Doug to enrol on an <a href="http://www.londonspeechworkshop.com/">English pronunciation course</a> :)
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- Love Languages Series and the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio program airs on more than 200 stations. For more information visit: www.garychapman.org...<a href="http://www.transfertests.co.uk/">Transfer Test Northern Ireland</a>
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- I said, as I kissed him good-bye. And he smiled and held me a nice long time, but not as long as I wished. I knew I wouldn’t get home that day, or night, and possibly not the next day, either. I’d be sleeping on a narrow cot, not much wider than a manger, awaiting the birth of hope and joy and peace on earth…
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Posted by sigan on 09/09/10 at 11:30 PM
- Yes ... love can be express in different languages.
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