This I Believe
I BELIEVE in the sanctity of sock marriage. Socks are, by their very nature, knit together in monogamy. If the clothes dryer perchance puts them asunder, a pair of socks never pursues divorce. The missing mate is merely vacationing somewhere, such as on the vast white beach of that new sheet I got on sale at Target. Therefore, the sock which languishes in loneliness waiting for its partner’s return must never be cast away, for then it would surely lose hope.
I BELIEVE that the tube of mascara, the tube of lipstick, and the tube of toothpaste are veritable bottomless pits, but in a good way. Upon awakening from a deep and dreamless sleep on the morrow, I shall be blessed with the daily manna of one more portion from each of these tubes, for such is the strength of my belief. If upon arising I am unable to squeeze, extract, or dip one additional measure from one of my beloved tubes, I shall allow such a tube to lie fallow for a period of a week, at which time I shall give it another whirl.
I BELIEVE that emory boards that have lost the power of their emory shall, after reproof, be put to rest inside the linen closet, lo, even mixed in among those quality emory boards of which it could be rightly said that “iron sharpens iron.” Upon blindly reaching in to lay hold of a random emory board with my set of ragged fingernails in a fortnight or so, I believe that the smoothness of the affected emory board shall have been restored to the glory of its former abrasiveness.
I BELIEVE that an item for retail sale with a slogan emblazoned on the packaging in the upper corner bearing the fortuitous words “As Seen On TV” is verily 99.94% more likely to be effective. Therefore, I believe I shall buy it.
I BELIEVE that if I compose a fresh to-do list, all the items on my previous to-do list must have obviously been accomplished heartily, as unto the Lord, even if they weren’t exactly checked off. I believe I do not need to look back at the old list ever, ever again.
I BELIEVE that if I am faithful to apprehend a cumbersome piece of exercise equipment and drag it home, that I will have burned so many calories and built so much strength, it won’t much matter if I use it a second time. Kind of like Samson knocking down those huge pillars, but with a better haircut.
I BELIEVE that sour milk, if returned to the fridge from which it came, will thusly smell miraculously better the next day.
I BELIEVE that vengeance is not mine, but the Lord’s, and therefore that a multitude of ballpoint pens—no matter how poorly they produce ink—shall be saved by grace. Of course, if they fail to work after experiencing a merciful junk-drawer salvation quite a few times, I reserve the right to banish them into the abyss forever.
Posted by Katy on 04/27/08 at 12:26 PMFallible Comments...
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