Well, At Least I Was WEARING Panties!

I’m home from my writer’s conference, and want to at least cover the basics of what happened in Minneapolis.

American Christian Fiction Writers is growing by leaps and bounds. I think this year there were nearly 500 conferees! I love writers and editors and agents (waving to Rachelle!), but 500 of anything is a lot for me. I have to have tons of white space in my life, you know what I mean?

At the opening session, I found a nice safe place on the left side of the room, as close to the doors as possible for easy escape, and close to the front of the room also, so that I could hear.

I love meeting new people, and don’t mind at all sitting with strangers (167 first-timers this year!), as long as I don’t get blocked in. I’m weird that way.

Halfway through the session (a panel of agents talking about industry trends, etc), I exited the room to use the facilities. The darned doors, even if you tried very carefully to prevent this, slammed way too loudly. When I came back from the restroom, I saw that one door was open—in the back of the enormous room. To prevent any additional disruption, I used the open door.

And I walked up the left hand side of a very extremely large room. Did I mention the five hundred people?

As I reached my aisle chair in the front, but just before I sat down, a woman I do not know came up behind me, covered the entire backside of my body with the front of hers, placed her hands on my shoulders, and whispered in my totally deaf ear.

“You skirt is caught up in your panties.”

I screamed the loudest whisper you’ve ever heard. “Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!” At the same time, I yanked on my skirt every which way from Sunday.

“You got it,” she said.

I slunk (or maybe slanked, it’s really hard to say) into my chair and, for the rest of the session, endured a near-death experience.

Just for the record: My panties were BRAND new, and black. I’m thinking, though, that the knee hose ruined the look.

For the rest of the conference, I sat in the exact same spot, secure woman that I am. And I wore skirts, too. Way to give ‘em something to talk about, huh?

I’ll go ahead and tell you that I had a number of freakish health concerns during the conference, including the fact that I wrenched my lower back something fierce doing a twisting motion involving my suitcase.

On the way home on the plane, I could not get comfortable. My friend Nancy Moser, who travelled with me, suggested I use an opaque bag of clothing I’d stuffed in my carry-on when it wouldn’t fit in my checked bag.

“Just roll it up and stick it behind your back for lumbar support,” she said.

It worked great! As long as I didn’t forget the bag when I got off the plane, I’d be in business.

Nancy and I got separated on one of our flights. I sat with a woman about my age, who only opened her eyes once, said “hi,” and closed them again. When we arrived on the ground, I reached behind me for the bag and stuffed it back in my carry-on before standing.

As I stood to exit the plane, her eyes opened for the second time. “I think you’ve lost something,” she said.

I turned around to see her holding in her raised fist THREE pairs of my down and DIRTY black panties. I’m pretty sure she thought the bundle was a scarf.

A good writing technique is what teachers call “bookends,” when a writer ties the end of the story back to the beginning, thus increasing the overall impact.

How am I doing so far?

Posted by Katy on 09/22/08 at 09:33 AM

Fallible Comments...

Oh my goodness, that's so hilarious, Katy!!! How do we get ourselves into these fixes? But I guess if we didn't, we wouldn't have anything to write about!!

Great bookends!!!! :-)
Posted by Diann on 09/22/08 at 10:15 AM
Wow. That's quite a weekend. As I was reading it I was having to force myself to do the quiet/silent laugh since I work in cube, but it took a lot of effort. How does stuff like that happen over and over to the same people? I'm glad you made it home.
Posted by Anna on 09/22/08 at 10:36 AM
PERFECT Katy! You are such a good sport. Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by denise on 09/22/08 at 10:57 AM
Oh, Katy! I can just see it all in my mind! Hugs, Suzan
Posted by Suzan on 09/22/08 at 11:05 AM
Wow.

There once lived a girl named Cute Katy
Who, at ACFW, was X-rate-y
She showed writers her knickers
Amid five hundred snickers
Ahoy! She was the cutest first Matey!
Posted by Mary DeMuth on 09/22/08 at 11:38 AM
I love you, Katy. How could I not?
Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 09/22/08 at 11:52 AM
Yes, folks, she's MY client. And how proud of her I am! Way to make folks remember you Katy!
Posted by Rachelle on 09/22/08 at 11:54 AM
Way to go, Katy! That's no doubt one conference you will never forget...

Glad that ya'll had a great time at ACFW. (Well, aside from the black underwear thing.) Hope to see you next year!
Posted by Gracie on 09/22/08 at 12:36 PM
The amazing thing is that you can laugh about it, dear lady. That ability is definitely a virtue. But know that such experiences may endure a long time. In first grade I wet my pants because I was laughing so hard. At a high school reunion, I had an acquaintance remind me of it! Decades later. Just be warned... :o)
Posted by Nancy Moser on 09/22/08 at 12:48 PM
I will never ever wear a skirt to a public gathering again.

That said, let me be quick to assure you, dear Katy, that you are undoubtedly the only woman I know who could turn an experience like that into a class act.

BJ
Posted by BJ on 09/22/08 at 01:55 PM
You are a hoot! I love being with you! I'm so glad we got to chat a bit at the conference. I count those occasions as some of the best moments there.
Posted by D'Ann Mateer on 09/22/08 at 03:33 PM
Oh. My. Goodness! Katy, that just TOPPED OFF my entire conference experience! And talk about catchy titles. ROFLOL! Thanks for making my day!
Posted by Deb Raney on 09/22/08 at 05:27 PM
KAtie, that was hilarious!! It sounds like a I Love Lucy scene. You told it so well, I could see it! (Oops, I hope that was the effect you wanted!!) Did you meet my friend Sarah Sumpolec by any chance? She writes Christian teen fiction. You would love her!! Love ya Sandi
Posted by Sandi Thompson on 09/22/08 at 07:21 PM
Just popped over here from Girls Write Out because I had to know.

Oh, wow. Katy, you're something. But at least they were black and not paisley and not, er, stringy. And they were new! Um, trying to be positive. Hugs! :)
Posted by Lynette Sowell on 09/22/08 at 10:24 PM
LOL Oh, Katie that is PRICELESS. hugs to you!! LOL
Posted by Heather Diane Tipton on 09/22/08 at 11:06 PM
Katy, you doll, I'm so impressed you can LAUGH ABOUT IT!!!! You so rock!
Camy
Posted by Camy Tang on 09/23/08 at 02:41 AM
Katy, I believe that this could only happen to you! And I say that with a smile on my face! :) You told the story in a way that I was right there with you. That's the sign of an AMAZING writer. Love you and miss you.
Posted by Bridget on 09/23/08 at 05:26 AM
Little big sis, you never cease to disappoint. I'd be dead from humiliation, but you? You laugh it off. So great seeing you again
Posted by Lisa Jordan on 09/23/08 at 07:49 AM
Well, aside from the mishaps, did you have a good time at the conference? As long as I've known you, you always seem to have the darndest experiences. Why is that?
Posted by Mary Anne Green on 09/23/08 at 09:25 AM
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa
Posted by alison on 09/23/08 at 03:34 PM
Funny, funny, funny. I can't wait for Denver!
Posted by Christa Allan on 09/23/08 at 07:14 PM
And to think I had dinner with you! Katy, you are wonderful. I'm just sorry we didn't get to chat as much as we did last year.
Patti
P.S. I love this blog!
Posted by Patti on 09/24/08 at 06:39 PM
Too funny! Like when my full silk skirt blew straight up on the tarmac at the Denver airport and my arms were too full to hold it down.
Posted by Margo Carmichael on 09/30/08 at 12:01 PM
This is truly innovative ,knowledge providing and insightful information ,thanks lots.
Posted by Sunny-Avandia lawyer on 02/12/09 at 04:57 AM
How ironic. A true indication that life does not always pan out the way you want it to be.
Posted by Australia Visa on 02/20/09 at 02:31 PM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Well, At Least I Was WEARING Panties! I’m home from my writer’s conference, and want to at least cover the basics of what happened in Minneapolis. American Christian Fiction Writers is growing by leaps and bounds. I think this year there were nearly 500 conferees! I love writers and editors and agents (waving to Rachelle!), but 500 of anything is a lot for me. I have to have tons of white space in my life, you know what I mean? At the opening session, I found a nice safe place on the left side of the room, as close to the doors as possible for easy escape, and close to the front of the room also, so that I could hear. I love meeting new people, and don’t mind at all sitting with strangers (167 first-timers this year!), as long as I don’t get blocked in. I’m weird that way. Halfway through the session (a panel of agents talking about industry trends, etc), I exited the room to use the facilities. The darned doors, even if you tried very carefully to prevent this, slammed way too loudly. When I came back from the restroom, I saw that one door was open—in the back of the enormous room. To prevent any additional disruption, I used the open door. And I walked up the left hand side of a very extremely large room. Did I mention the five hundred people? As I reached my aisle chair in the front, but just before I sat down, a woman I do not know came up behind me, covered the entire backside of my body with the front of hers, placed her hands on my shoulders, and whispered in my totally deaf ear. “You skirt is caught up in your panties.” I screamed the loudest whisper you’ve ever heard. “Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!” At the same time, I yanked on my skirt every which way from Sunday. “You got it,” she said. I slunk (or maybe slanked, it’s really hard to say) into my chair and, for the rest of the session, endured a near-death experience. Just for the record: My panties were BRAND new, and black. I’m thinking, though, that the knee hose ruined the look. For the rest of the conference, I sat in the exact same spot, secure woman that I am. And I wore skirts, too. Way to give ‘em something to talk about, huh? I’ll go ahead and tell you that I had a number of freakish health concerns during the conference, including the fact that I wrenched my lower back something fierce doing a twisting motion involving my suitcase. On the way home on the plane, I could not get comfortable. My friend Nancy Moser, who travelled with me, suggested I use an opaque bag of clothing I’d stuffed in my carry-on when it wouldn’t fit in my checked bag. “Just roll it up and stick it behind your back for lumbar support,” she said. It worked great! As long as I didn’t forget the bag when I got off the plane, I’d be in business. Nancy and I got separated on one of our flights. I sat with a woman about my age, who only opened her eyes once, said “hi,” and closed them again. When we arrived on the ground, I reached behind me for the bag and stuffed it back in my carry-on before standing. As I stood to exit the plane, her eyes opened for the second time. “I think you’ve lost something,” she said. I turned around to see her holding in her raised fist THREE pairs of my down and DIRTY black panties. I’m pretty sure she thought the bundle was a scarf. A good writing technique is what teachers call “bookends,” when a writer ties the end of the story back to the beginning, thus increasing the overall impact. How am I doing so far? Posted by Katy on 09/22/08 at 09:33 AM Fallible Comments... Oh my goodness, that's so hilarious, Katy!!! How do we get ourselves into these fixes? But I guess if we didn't, we wouldn't have anything to write about!! Great bookends!!!! :-) Posted by Diann on 09/22/08 at 10:15 AM Wow. That's quite a weekend. As I was reading it I was having to force myself to do the quiet/silent laugh since I work in cube, but it took a lot of effort. How does stuff like that happen over and over to the same people? I'm glad you made it home. Posted by Anna on 09/22/08 at 10:36 AM PERFECT Katy! You are such a good sport. Thanks for the laugh! Posted by denise on 09/22/08 at 10:57 AM Oh, Katy! I can just see it all in my mind! Hugs, Suzan Posted by Suzan on 09/22/08 at 11:05 AM Wow. There once lived a girl named Cute Katy Who, at ACFW, was X-rate-y She showed writers her knickers Amid five hundred snickers Ahoy! She was the cutest first Matey! Posted by Mary DeMuth on 09/22/08 at 11:38 AM I love you, Katy. How could I not? Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 09/22/08 at 11:52 AM Yes, folks, she's MY client. And how proud of her I am! Way to make folks remember you Katy! Posted by Rachelle on 09/22/08 at 11:54 AM Way to go, Katy! That's no doubt one conference you will never forget... Glad that ya'll had a great time at ACFW. (Well, aside from the black underwear thing.) Hope to see you next year! Posted by Gracie on 09/22/08 at 12:36 PM The amazing thing is that you can laugh about it, dear lady. That ability is definitely a virtue. But know that such experiences may endure a long time. In first grade I wet my pants because I was laughing so hard. At a high school reunion, I had an acquaintance remind me of it! Decades later. Just be warned... :o) Posted by Nancy Moser on 09/22/08 at 12:48 PM I will never ever wear a skirt to a public gathering again. That said, let me be quick to assure you, dear Katy, that you are undoubtedly the only woman I know who could turn an experience like that into a class act. BJ Posted by BJ on 09/22/08 at 01:55 PM You are a hoot! I love being with you! I'm so glad we got to chat a bit at the conference. I count those occasions as some of the best moments there. Posted by D'Ann Mateer on 09/22/08 at 03:33 PM Oh. My. Goodness! Katy, that just TOPPED OFF my entire conference experience! And talk about catchy titles. ROFLOL! Thanks for making my day! Posted by Deb Raney on 09/22/08 at 05:27 PM KAtie, that was hilarious!! It sounds like a I Love Lucy scene. You told it so well, I could see it! (Oops, I hope that was the effect you wanted!!) Did you meet my friend Sarah Sumpolec by any chance? She writes Christian teen fiction. You would love her!! Love ya Sandi Posted by Sandi Thompson on 09/22/08 at 07:21 PM Just popped over here from Girls Write Out because I had to know. Oh, wow. Katy, you're something. But at least they were black and not paisley and not, er, stringy. And they were new! Um, trying to be positive. Hugs! :) Posted by Lynette Sowell on 09/22/08 at 10:24 PM LOL Oh, Katie that is PRICELESS. hugs to you!! LOL Posted by Heather Diane Tipton on 09/22/08 at 11:06 PM Katy, you doll, I'm so impressed you can LAUGH ABOUT IT!!!! You so rock! Camy Posted by Camy Tang on 09/23/08 at 02:41 AM Katy, I believe that this could only happen to you! And I say that with a smile on my face! :) You told the story in a way that I was right there with you. That's the sign of an AMAZING writer. Love you and miss you. Posted by Bridget on 09/23/08 at 05:26 AM Little big sis, you never cease to disappoint. I'd be dead from humiliation, but you? You laugh it off. So great seeing you again Posted by Lisa Jordan on 09/23/08 at 07:49 AM Well, aside from the mishaps, did you have a good time at the conference? As long as I've known you, you always seem to have the darndest experiences. Why is that? Posted by Mary Anne Green on 09/23/08 at 09:25 AM aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa Posted by alison on 09/23/08 at 03:34 PM Funny, funny, funny. I can't wait for Denver! Posted by Christa Allan on 09/23/08 at 07:14 PM And to think I had dinner with you! Katy, you are wonderful. I'm just sorry we didn't get to chat as much as we did last year. Patti P.S. I love this blog! Posted by Patti on 09/24/08 at 06:39 PM Too funny! Like when my full silk skirt blew straight up on the tarmac at the Denver airport and my arms were too full to hold it down. Posted by Margo Carmichael on 09/30/08 at 12:01 PM This is truly innovative ,knowledge providing and insightful information ,thanks lots. Posted by Sunny-Avandia lawyer on 02/12/09 at 04:57 AM How ironic. A true indication that life does not always pan out the way you want it to be. Posted by Australia Visa on 02/20/09 at 02:31 PM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: Classy Men Previous entry: Switching Up The Rhetoric << Back to main


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Personal blog of christianwriter & fallible momKaty McKenna Raymondin Kansas City, Missouri

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Well, At Least I Was WEARING Panties!

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri