You Are Not Alone

Last night, I stayed home alone while Doug went out with our friends for a great evening on the town. I was invited, of course, but well, things haven’t been going too swimmingly for me on the health front. I really wanted Doug to go, because he hasn’t exactly been having a barrel of fun these days, either, and I thought he could use the break.

But I had to abstain. I didn’t want to make a scene, or cause a spectacular draw of attention to myself, or interrupt the festivities with any of a handful of symptoms which might at any moment turn me into a serious social liability. So I stayed home in my jammies and watched one of my favorite movies of all time, Serendipity.

It surprised me, as the night wore on, to find that I missed Doug terribly. And I missed my friends, too. Most of all, I experienced not just that passing type of loneliness that comes over each of us from time to time, but also something deeper and more insidious. I felt isolated.

For me, feeling isolated comes over me when I’m going through something I think no one else understands, or wants to understand. I mean, do my friends really want a blow-by-blow run down of diagnostic exams from hell and my sensitive constitution’s over-the-top response to tests other patients might consider ho-hum? I’m thinking: Not.

It also occurs to me that Too Much Information often has the unfortunate result of producing Too Few Friends, a condition I do not want to add to my current list of complaints.

So I boo-hooed my way through Serendipity, especially when I remembered that at the beginning of 2008, I chose that very word as My Word Of The Year. If you can tell me what exactly is serendipitous about taking care of The Moms, having a daughter with a newly-diagnosed and complicated thyroid problem, slicing my net worth as cleanly in half as if I’d used my chain saw on it, struggling with anti-seizure medication side effects for the stabbing pain in my eye that put me in the hospital not once, but twice, and now being an in-patient for five days with unresolved stomach problems, I’d like to hear about it.

This morning, I cried when I told Doug about how isolated I’d been feeling. About how even blogging scares me, because it makes me think you, my wonderful reading friends, might fall away if I pull out the stops and honestly let you in on the down side of my fallible life.

And then we went to church. And our dear pastor Tom Nelson spoke about loneliness. And isolation, the word I might as well have chosen as My Word Of The Year, for all the good Serendipity did me.

A lovely friend of mine, Lynett, came up to me after church and asked about my health. I thought to myself that, if she knew a bit more, she’d know better than to ask. So I dismissed her question with a shrug and an “I’m OK,” and then repented at leisure for having lied right there in God’s house.

We went on to Sunday school, during which we typically discuss the sermon in more depth. Before the discussion, during prayer request time, someone asked if I wanted to share about my health situation and I very politely declined. I think I said something like, “Trust me, it’s more than you want to know….” No one pushed me for information, but my feeling of isolation grew a little more pronounced after I squandered an opportunity to ask for support.

Then we got into the day’s topic. A question was presented about the types of isolation we go through, and people mentioned the typical suspects: Being in a crowded room and not knowing anyone. Being among loving family members, but somehow feeling disconnected from the camaraderie. Going through a loved one’s death and not knowing how to share your suffering with those who care about you.

And then Lynett said, “Sometimes, we experience isolation because we imagine that others won’t understand our particular circumstances. But really, they would, if we’d only give them the chance….”

So I gave them the chance.

“OK!” I said. “I had diarrhea 37 times in one day! Are you satisfied NOW?”

And you know what? They——these, my friends——were more satisfied than I’ve seen them in a long time. They laughed their fool heads off, and so did I. When I gave up trying to protect my dignity (like that’s even possible anymore….) and realized that a dose of TMI can work wonders in breaking the back of isolation, a beautiful thing happened.

All of a sudden, I had a roomful of people who—-even if they didn’t know exactly what I was experiencing and truly didn’t want to know—-were happy to be my appreciative audience as I processed my own miserable experiences in their astonished hearing.

All of a sudden I knew that if I wasn’t abandoned when I admitted to having 37 episodes of diarrhea, you aren’t alone, either.

I hope, somehow, that’s a comfort to you. Although if, in the middle of being So Not Alone, you happen to need a modicum of privacy, I certainly understand. ;)

Posted by Katy on 12/07/08 at 06:50 PM

Fallible Comments...

Well, since Katy has decided to be transparent and honest about her recent bouts with, well. . . the "D" word. . . I feel that I should correct the record and let it be known that Katy actually mentioned a total of FORTY bouts of diarrhea in one day, and not the 37 discussed in her blog.

Of course, this hilarious revelation led me. . . a reasonably bright Ph.D. . . to the following insight: Perhaps Katy was feeling lonely and isolated for a very good reason: I mean, how much socialization could she possibly be enjoying running to the bathroom 40 times a day?

Suffice it to say that you folks, Katy's dear readers (and she does cherish you all), certainly know what an extraordinary and insightful writer Katy has become. But what you may not know is that Katy and Doug are two of the most remarkable people you could ever hope to meet. It has been one of the great joys of Mary's and my life together to get to know them both over these past several years. Mary has accompanied Katy to the hospital for tests and Katy returned the favor for Mary. No doubt there will be many more such visits in the years to come. I mean, misery loves company, right?

So, yes, there's no doubt that Katy has been suffering, and we all hope and pray that she'll be on the mend just as quick as she can. But I've just got to ask you all one question: Did you think for even a second that Doug decided to go out with us last night because he'd been feeling "lonely and isolated"? Or could it have been something else?

Flush!

:-)
Posted by Stephen Pruitt on 12/07/08 at 11:39 PM
Oh, Katy - I hate to laugh about what you're dealing with, but you're just so funny the way you write it! I will be praying for a diagnosis, and I'm glad you opened up and felt a little less alone.
Posted by Carrie K. on 12/07/08 at 11:53 PM
Katy,
Moving from casual friends to close friends requires opening up and sharing what you are feeling. Thanks for being willing to let us be a part of your life.
Posted by Aaron on 12/08/08 at 01:45 PM
Katy,
Thanks for opening up and sharing. I miss you when you aren't around and worry that one of the Moms or Doug or You are struggling with something. It can be very hard to be open to others, as you have seen, but you miss your blessing and they miss theirs. The body of Christ at work! It is beautiful and we all need it.
I will be praying for a diagnosis and successful treatment. You are blessed to have such great friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. In addition you have a great gift of writing things in a way that makes us laugh and care deeply. You are special to us. Keep us informed. TMI is better than wondering and worrying.
Posted by Sandi Thompson on 12/08/08 at 02:36 PM
As you can see, you were terribly wrong about what your friends would think if they knew the truth. I've known you far too long and seen you go through other equally embarassing situations to ever feel like I might need to back off from our friendship. Granted, we don't see each other much anymore, but I still consider you a dear friend....and I worry about you when you go for days without posting anything on "Fallible". I hope, and pray,for your sake, that the doctors figure out what your problem is and you get on your feet again. It has been a difficult year for you and many others, but we can be confident that the Lord knows our needs and concerns. He will not forsake us, even if our bodies and the economy do! Love you, Katy.
Posted by Mary Anne Green on 12/08/08 at 04:25 PM
Oh my gosh, Katy. You've been through hell. What hit me between the eyes (and touched my heart) is how very isolated I often feel. How I neglect to check on others when I'm consumed with my own issues, health and emotional.

Your post spoke volumes. As for you, dear, dear friend - nothing is TMI between those who really care.

I care. And I'm praying. Felt so alone (isolated) earlier this year with thyroid surgery approaching, and even now with my chronic muscle pain. Everyone around me laughed about the surgery and poo-pooed the event, but it was all too serious to me personally.

Ah, but there I go, rambling about myself when I meant to express my deepest thanks for your honest sharing. Your words resonate in my heart.â™¥
Posted by Vicki on 12/09/08 at 07:21 PM
"...We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to usâ€”trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in usâ€”he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." II Cor 4

I read this tonight and thought that I would share it with you. Be blessed.
Posted by Joshua on 12/11/08 at 05:17 AM
Dar Williams has a song that says "if I wrote you, if I wrote you, you would know me, and you would not write me again"... I think of it sometimes when I'm thinking about how much detail to go into on my blog. Yes, believe it or not, I hold back... as wordy as it gets sometimes, that's not all. (Sometimes being able to touch-type can be a curse when it gets too easy to type everything going through my mind rather than having to moderate due to physical restrictions)... of course, i've also got military and personal security reasons to hold back on some issues (and my reasons of this sort are all mundane, i assure you) but often it's the simple desire not to TMI my friends into no-longers...

I'm with you, Katy. I feel the same. I may not have had to make a rush for it 37 (or 40) times in any one day of my life just yet (and for this I am grateful!) but I also have health issues, decision issues, work issues, and others that i may not feel like i can really share... So, thank you for sharing. Not TMI at all.
Posted by PattyT on 12/22/08 at 07:51 PM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	You Are Not Alone Last night, I stayed home alone while Doug went out with our friends for a great evening on the town. I was invited, of course, but well, things haven’t been going too swimmingly for me on the health front. I really wanted Doug to go, because he hasn’t exactly been having a barrel of fun these days, either, and I thought he could use the break. But I had to abstain. I didn’t want to make a scene, or cause a spectacular draw of attention to myself, or interrupt the festivities with any of a handful of symptoms which might at any moment turn me into a serious social liability. So I stayed home in my jammies and watched one of my favorite movies of all time, Serendipity. It surprised me, as the night wore on, to find that I missed Doug terribly. And I missed my friends, too. Most of all, I experienced not just that passing type of loneliness that comes over each of us from time to time, but also something deeper and more insidious. I felt isolated. For me, feeling isolated comes over me when I’m going through something I think no one else understands, or wants to understand. I mean, do my friends really want a blow-by-blow run down of diagnostic exams from hell and my sensitive constitution’s over-the-top response to tests other patients might consider ho-hum? I’m thinking: Not. It also occurs to me that Too Much Information often has the unfortunate result of producing Too Few Friends, a condition I do not want to add to my current list of complaints. So I boo-hooed my way through Serendipity, especially when I remembered that at the beginning of 2008, I chose that very word as My Word Of The Year. If you can tell me what exactly is serendipitous about taking care of The Moms, having a daughter with a newly-diagnosed and complicated thyroid problem, slicing my net worth as cleanly in half as if I’d used my chain saw on it, struggling with anti-seizure medication side effects for the stabbing pain in my eye that put me in the hospital not once, but twice, and now being an in-patient for five days with unresolved stomach problems, I’d like to hear about it. This morning, I cried when I told Doug about how isolated I’d been feeling. About how even blogging scares me, because it makes me think you, my wonderful reading friends, might fall away if I pull out the stops and honestly let you in on the down side of my fallible life. And then we went to church. And our dear pastor Tom Nelson spoke about loneliness. And isolation, the word I might as well have chosen as My Word Of The Year, for all the good Serendipity did me. A lovely friend of mine, Lynett, came up to me after church and asked about my health. I thought to myself that, if she knew a bit more, she’d know better than to ask. So I dismissed her question with a shrug and an “I’m OK,” and then repented at leisure for having lied right there in God’s house. We went on to Sunday school, during which we typically discuss the sermon in more depth. Before the discussion, during prayer request time, someone asked if I wanted to share about my health situation and I very politely declined. I think I said something like, “Trust me, it’s more than you want to know….” No one pushed me for information, but my feeling of isolation grew a little more pronounced after I squandered an opportunity to ask for support. Then we got into the day’s topic. A question was presented about the types of isolation we go through, and people mentioned the typical suspects: Being in a crowded room and not knowing anyone. Being among loving family members, but somehow feeling disconnected from the camaraderie. Going through a loved one’s death and not knowing how to share your suffering with those who care about you. And then Lynett said, “Sometimes, we experience isolation because we imagine that others won’t understand our particular circumstances. But really, they would, if we’d only give them the chance….” So I gave them the chance. “OK!” I said. “I had diarrhea 37 times in one day! Are you satisfied NOW?” And you know what? They——these, my friends——were more satisfied than I’ve seen them in a long time. They laughed their fool heads off, and so did I. When I gave up trying to protect my dignity (like that’s even possible anymore….) and realized that a dose of TMI can work wonders in breaking the back of isolation, a beautiful thing happened. All of a sudden, I had a roomful of people who—-even if they didn’t know exactly what I was experiencing and truly didn’t want to know—-were happy to be my appreciative audience as I processed my own miserable experiences in their astonished hearing. All of a sudden I knew that if I wasn’t abandoned when I admitted to having 37 episodes of diarrhea, you aren’t alone, either. I hope, somehow, that’s a comfort to you. Although if, in the middle of being So Not Alone, you happen to need a modicum of privacy, I certainly understand. ;) Posted by Katy on 12/07/08 at 06:50 PM Fallible Comments... Well, since Katy has decided to be transparent and honest about her recent bouts with, well. . . the "D" word. . . I feel that I should correct the record and let it be known that Katy actually mentioned a total of FORTY bouts of diarrhea in one day, and not the 37 discussed in her blog. Of course, this hilarious revelation led me. . . a reasonably bright Ph.D. . . to the following insight: Perhaps Katy was feeling lonely and isolated for a very good reason: I mean, how much socialization could she possibly be enjoying running to the bathroom 40 times a day? Suffice it to say that you folks, Katy's dear readers (and she does cherish you all), certainly know what an extraordinary and insightful writer Katy has become. But what you may not know is that Katy and Doug are two of the most remarkable people you could ever hope to meet. It has been one of the great joys of Mary's and my life together to get to know them both over these past several years. Mary has accompanied Katy to the hospital for tests and Katy returned the favor for Mary. No doubt there will be many more such visits in the years to come. I mean, misery loves company, right? So, yes, there's no doubt that Katy has been suffering, and we all hope and pray that she'll be on the mend just as quick as she can. But I've just got to ask you all one question: Did you think for even a second that Doug decided to go out with us last night because he'd been feeling "lonely and isolated"? Or could it have been something else? Flush! :-) Posted by Stephen Pruitt on 12/07/08 at 11:39 PM Oh, Katy - I hate to laugh about what you're dealing with, but you're just so funny the way you write it! I will be praying for a diagnosis, and I'm glad you opened up and felt a little less alone. Posted by Carrie K. on 12/07/08 at 11:53 PM Katy, Moving from casual friends to close friends requires opening up and sharing what you are feeling. Thanks for being willing to let us be a part of your life. Posted by Aaron on 12/08/08 at 01:45 PM Katy, Thanks for opening up and sharing. I miss you when you aren't around and worry that one of the Moms or Doug or You are struggling with something. It can be very hard to be open to others, as you have seen, but you miss your blessing and they miss theirs. The body of Christ at work! It is beautiful and we all need it. I will be praying for a diagnosis and successful treatment. You are blessed to have such great friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. In addition you have a great gift of writing things in a way that makes us laugh and care deeply. You are special to us. Keep us informed. TMI is better than wondering and worrying. Posted by Sandi Thompson on 12/08/08 at 02:36 PM As you can see, you were terribly wrong about what your friends would think if they knew the truth. I've known you far too long and seen you go through other equally embarassing situations to ever feel like I might need to back off from our friendship. Granted, we don't see each other much anymore, but I still consider you a dear friend....and I worry about you when you go for days without posting anything on "Fallible". I hope, and pray,for your sake, that the doctors figure out what your problem is and you get on your feet again. It has been a difficult year for you and many others, but we can be confident that the Lord knows our needs and concerns. He will not forsake us, even if our bodies and the economy do! Love you, Katy. Posted by Mary Anne Green on 12/08/08 at 04:25 PM Oh my gosh, Katy. You've been through hell. What hit me between the eyes (and touched my heart) is how very isolated I often feel. How I neglect to check on others when I'm consumed with my own issues, health and emotional. Your post spoke volumes. As for you, dear, dear friend - nothing is TMI between those who really care. I care. And I'm praying. Felt so alone (isolated) earlier this year with thyroid surgery approaching, and even now with my chronic muscle pain. Everyone around me laughed about the surgery and poo-pooed the event, but it was all too serious to me personally. Ah, but there I go, rambling about myself when I meant to express my deepest thanks for your honest sharing. Your words resonate in my heart.â™¥ Posted by Vicki on 12/09/08 at 07:21 PM "...We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to usâ€”trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in usâ€”he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." II Cor 4 I read this tonight and thought that I would share it with you. Be blessed. Posted by Joshua on 12/11/08 at 05:17 AM Dar Williams has a song that says "if I wrote you, if I wrote you, you would know me, and you would not write me again"... I think of it sometimes when I'm thinking about how much detail to go into on my blog. Yes, believe it or not, I hold back... as wordy as it gets sometimes, that's not all. (Sometimes being able to touch-type can be a curse when it gets too easy to type everything going through my mind rather than having to moderate due to physical restrictions)... of course, i've also got military and personal security reasons to hold back on some issues (and my reasons of this sort are all mundane, i assure you) but often it's the simple desire not to TMI my friends into no-longers... I'm with you, Katy. I feel the same. I may not have had to make a rush for it 37 (or 40) times in any one day of my life just yet (and for this I am grateful!) but I also have health issues, decision issues, work issues, and others that i may not feel like i can really share... So, thank you for sharing. Not TMI at all. Posted by PattyT on 12/22/08 at 07:51 PM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: Spell Check Previous entry: Don't Know Much About The Big Three << Back to main


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Personal blog of christianwriter & fallible momKaty McKenna Raymondin Kansas City, Missouri

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You Are Not Alone

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri