Katy McKenna Raymond  
Personal blog of christian writer Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri

Katy is represented by
Greg Johnson at
WordServe Literary

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I’m Sorry, But This Is Scary! (#860)

Just when I thought it was safe to open the mail, I get this piece today:

“Dear Senior Citizen,

We are proud to announce a Senior Final Expense Program to help pay for your final expenses. This Senior Plan will pay 100% of all funeral expenses up to $25,000 for each Senior Citizen covered.

To receive a Free Memorial Guide and to see if you qualify, mail this postage paid card today. This is a free service, and you will not be charged for this information.”

This is shocking and offensive on so many levels!

First of all, I JUST had a birthday, which should be a cause for carefree celebration. Instead, before I even recuperate my breath from blowing out the candles, my advanced age is being monetized. That’s just wrong!

Secondly, they only offer to “help” pay for my final expenses, and then say they’ll pony up 100% for a freakin’ $25,000 funeral, which sounds like more than “help” to me. I’m no expert, but the last I checked a decent funeral could be thrown for half that amount, even if the booze flows freely. Yeah. I’m Irish. That’s the kind of funerals I’m used to.

Thirdly, they invite me to “see if I’m qualified.” What’s up with that? Shouldn’t the only qualification be a working heartbeat?

And finally, it’s not my final expenses I’m worried about! I trust my husband and children to fork over the big bucks to make sure I go out in style. Forget final expenses! It’s all those pesky interim expenses that I need help with!

If the Final Expense Program folks would channel some of their considerable assets into “helping” me with putting my “final” child through college, to the tune of 100% of college expenses up to $25,000, we’d have a deal. We could call it my Senior Graduate Expense Program.

Or, if they’d like to take on helping me with my health insurance expenses, which run me $1065 per month for the three of us, that would be peachy. 100% of all health insurance expenses up to $25,000 would reduce my interim expenses for the next two years. We’ll call that my trusty Health Insurance Expense Program.

But Final Expenses? I’m SO not interested, thank you very much.

Jesus is SURE to come back before it’s my time to kick the bucket and besides, I just looked at the envelope.

Whew! It’s addressed to Doug.

Posted by Katy on 01/07/06

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